The Radio is off

The radio is off, I am listening to Billy Joel. I’m listening to Piano Man and it’s booming, and yes I am singing at the top of my voice.

I had to turn the radio, TV and the news websites off as I have been disheartened by commentary over the Olympics. Sorry to my friends in the media, this is a broad statement and not targeted at anyone specific.

When I was young I can vaguely recall the closing ceremony of the Moscow Olympics, the crying bear as it said farewell. Unfortunately that is how I am feeling toward the coverage and commentary over the last few days.

Where do I start, my head is full of such disappointment, anger with what is being said.

We as parents are told to teach our children to be good sports and be resilient to deal with disappointment however the media at the moment seem to be acting like a petulant child as the swimming team hasn’t achieved what THEY the media was expecting. They have even resorted to using the word “Failure” as we have only achieved 1 Gold Medal as yet (in the LA Olympics that was the same number of swimming golds we achieved (Jon Sieben 100m fly).

 There used to be a joke said by the NZ team in the LA Olympics that went, What does Australia and Carl Lewis havein common? 4 Gold medals. Yes we only achieved 4 gold medals in total at LA with only one in the pool.

To give you a little back ground, for about 7 years I was a swimmer, swimming for Nunawading Swimming club in the eastern suburbs of  Melbourne where I rubbed shoulders with some of the best swimmers in Australia (Not name dripping, that’s not the point). At the time, our head coach was Leigh Nugent (affectionately known as Nugget), then the National breastroke coach and now Australias’ Head coach.

Ok I was never at that level, I did strive for the Olympics, but eventually I was happy with my achievements as a Butterfly/Backstroker. I was fortunate to train with some swimmers who were to achieve the heights that I could only dream of. I remember those 4:30 wakeups 5 times a week plus 2 gym sessions, it’s a hard slog and I never made the progression to our national team, but sport was more about being healthy, having a club which was more like a family away from home.

As someone who looked at possibly representing Australia, I saw the Olympics as this mystical event where only the BEST in the word competed, it was at the time an amateur event,  where athletes performed their best, that’s all you can really ask of them. Medals were a bonus not to mention Gold, to represent your country was the pinnacle of the sport.

Our golden age of swimming in the 90’sand ‘00’s where the likes of Thorp, Hackett, Perkins, Klim, etc. seems to have lifted the expectations in the Media, where so many good swimmers came through at the same time, we “owned” the 1500m freestyle not to mention may events.

Every event has to be recontested, it’s not like a battlefield where the winner from the previous games hold the high ground, the term “defending” always seems a little amiss, as it doesn’t respect that there are 4 years between, it’s a young person’s sport. Obscure people last Olympics can win, as they have set their goals higher for this Olympics, they could have flown under the radar, especially when they come from countries that don’t regularly compete outside their region.

To say our guys are losing implies that the opposition aren’t trying to win, they are the default winners because our guys aren’t trying hard enough which I feel  is disingenuous.

All we can ask is our swimmers do their best on the day, swimmers don’t just turn up to swim, much planning is involved in the lead up to any swimming championship,  they need to be tapered properly not to mention their health and their mental state. The Olympics is a totally different scene to any other event, there’s so much expectation placed on the athletes shoulders. The swimmers are likely to have swum in many events representing their club and then other international events where the media shoes scant interest, perhaps at the commonwealth games where the atmosphere is more close to the Olympics, but there is only one event that Counts.

Has this event become too commercial? It would appear not to be about athletes’ personal best times, it’s like the medal tally is being treated like a Profit and Loss Statement for the Olympic team. There seems to be a great sense of entitlement , I don’t know where that came from.

All I ask is to see it from the athletes perspective, sure it may be disappointing, but for THEM, not YOU. It is THEIR event after all, not YOURS.

Remember how Shane Gould gave up at such a young age, sure it was a different circumstance but if you want sportsmen and women to get to such a high level, devoting every day to their swimming goals, please encourage them otherwise we may lose them before their prime and it’ll all go back to Montreal where we won no gold at all.

When dealing with Football teams it is understood that teams need to rebuild after marquis players leave, Similarly our swimming team is rebuilding, and if you look at the results, we are still close, they are achieving medals just not the colour the media are wanting.

Is this the age of opinion over facts?

Perhaps we need a challenge, those who criticise the team should have a swim off, let’s see how well those commentators do.

Barefoot Dad

Since I was a kid i have always enjoyed going barefoot. It is a lifelong habit i find some don't understand. I go everywhere at home barefoot, heck i even enjoying doing a massage barefoot although OHS states you should do it with covered in shoes.

I find with bare feer I have better posture, the feet can work to their optimum and they work freely from the contraints of shoes.

Inspired from this years TEDxNewy experience, and the talk from the Naked Runners I just wanted to put my take on going bareboot. Going without the extras even in the home.

I have to say i do walk around the house barefoot, it feels so much more comfortable, i can't stand wearing thongs, it just feels awkward walking with them. I do have sandals which i wear down the street and obviously for work I wear covered in shoes.

But the moment you come off the shoes come, if it's a cold night i'll pop some socks on. My shoes are reasonabley large (Size 11) and are heavy, cumbersome and my wife has freom time to time complained about their size. My feet don't like synthetics and whenever I have gone with a cheaper shoe, my feet smell really bad, and I mean BAD. I would much rather go without.

I think some people fear hurting their feet by going shoeless. Sure they offer protection from if you kicking things. But i find your feet offer you more sensitivity and give you a greater sense of where your feet are, they help you feel your surroundings, a closed loop in your senses. i remember when working with totally blind all your other senses come in to play when detecting your surroundings. Your feet help you especially whin in the dark.

In my engineering days it was mentioned that in the early days of power steering, you just pointed the car and it went there. But there were a lot of broken wheels casued by hitting gutters, and other objects because there was no closed loop. It was only until a closed loop was created that this stopped where the steering system provided feedback back to the driver.

I find walking with shoes is like walking with blind feet, similar to those who park by touch, where they bump into objects and then make adjustments, this is now solved now through Parking sensors. The Barefoot running movement is all about letting the feet operate the way they have evolved into, naturally "designed" for running without impediments. When it comes to out feet we don't need to ADD anything to prevent foot injuries, we can remove the objects which prevent our feet from working to their potential.

I find nothing more comfortable than going barefoot, I love going up the back yard and hanging the washing up feeling the blades of grass through my toes.

Sure there are Bindii which can put an end to a comfortable walk. But it's not too gard to get them out of your toes. I have just found chemicals to get even with these pesk blighters. I am fortunate that they don't live up the back yeard. the front yards however we had a break out which is unknown because we never had them. But rest assured i DID get even. :)

We have a dog but he does poo in predictable places and i haven't had an issue, that said if you do accidentally step in, your feet sense you and you don't end up with it all over your feet than carry it through the house before you realise the smell (Done that before)

Another concern i have heard in the past was bees and clover, I have never had a problem(now i have jinxed myself). All I can say is that you keep your eyes open and perhaps lead with your toes so you don't heel strike and come down on clover full force that works for me.

So I am sitting here barefoot on the computer blogging, Are you doing the same??

It's about the WHY

A couple of things happened this week that made me stop and think. Firstly this week has been one of those "what is it all about" weeks. You know I think it is one of those end of year things. I get eather reflective at this time. I think it's a way of setting up those new years resolutions that I will hopefully keep to this coming year. But enough for new years resoltions because I will try to devote a blog to that. All I can say is that the coming year will be one of change and transition. For the past 6 years i have been the primary carer of my girls and this coming year sees my youngest going to school. (jumps for Joy) This means that i will have more time to devote to other pursuits such as career and business and health. Something I have put aside for way too long.

I saw the film "The company men" with Ben Affleck and Tomme Lee Jones.

At the crux of this film was a business that hived off thousands of jobs during the GFC, good people were sacrificed to save a company's share price. The organisation had lost track of the actual reasons WHY the business started, it was about the People and the company lost focus on that. It makes me ponder some recent changes in a lot of businesses who appear to be doing the same thing where the bottom line is all important, not the goodwill and people that were the foundations of the organisation.

This was curiously just after i had watched "the Social Network" about the start of Facebook

I state this second as the portayalrayal of Mark Zuckerberg was far from flattering, rather more like an unemotional robot who took advantage of those around him. It made me investigate because when a film comes out you want to find more, find the truth.

I found an interview with Mark Zuckerberg and Sheryl Sandberg that was a good thing to watch following watching the film. The interview didn't touch the film.

I don't know him but I see him as a focused person, he IS Facebook, His passion is the social network he invented. In the interview he seemed very happy, yes he smiled rather a bit. During the interview it was mentioned about how he wouldn't sell out. Also how he likes to co-exist with google, youtube etc. rather than acquire or go out in competition.

One can't be in awe at his genius with what he has created. Whatever you think of him and his motivations. he does seem rather genuine in his motivations.

I suppose the WHY is based on how you measure success, why you are really there, in business.

I was also listening to 1233 ABC Newcastle and in a couple of discussions yeaterday firstly it was being discussed about businesses and shareholder value and how it is only a new concept, since the 80's. i know that when i worked in petrol stations the main focus was the staff, making sure
Heck i even remember when companies were making actual losses during the recession we had to have. Today Public companies cry foul whene they make less money than they made last year. Is it just greed?? I can see where the QANTAS employees are fould with their company. These guys showed their passion for the company, their love for the company but were upset with the level of increase in the paypacket of the CEO who received a huge percentage increase in his own paypacket.
The organisation has lost focus on why they are there.

I once worked in an organisations that had an acronym CARE-Customers Are Really Anything. This however presented itself as frequently running short on staff at registers, stock running out or not being able to be put out due to insufficient staff numbers, Department managers were frequently under the pump, they regularly pulled 14 hour days. Not really family friendly hours.
With this organisation there would be wind that the regional manager was coming so store management would put as many staff on the floor to get the store fully stocked and faced to make it look pristine. The managers would hover around the regional manager.

Straight after this visit the store would resume its' original understaffed state. I still wonder about the WHY of this organisation, but all i can say id one year the organisation made $700million profit, i said to  an ols timer that that was a good result. The Old timer said back to me, "no it's not because we will have to do better next year". I struggle at times to find out the WHY behind many companies other than Profit, money etc.

The second conversation was with the business centre talking about being a new businesses and trying to find the reason WHY you are insbusiness, the emotion that you are selling as a business. This is where I am left. i am in a very reflacive mood, trying to discover the emotion, my reason to why I am here, in business.

I suppose a lot of the WHY relates to to the old maslows Pyramid




I need security, the funds to be able to stand alone, that is where i need to head toward this coming year. Independance.

Next Blog is about my WHY

My Tea Routine

Tea is in my blood, my family's blood.

Not just the drink, being brought up in an alcohol free household, Tea was the social lubricant that we used. The centre piece of any social interaction, usually across the bench in the kitchen. The kitchen was the heart of our house, it was where all important discussions happened.

Normally made in a pot. There was always a warm pot of tea going whenever someone was at home. on the coldest days we would even keep the kettle hot on the combustion heater. Each pot would make 4 cups of Tea. Always milk and Raw sugar to satisfy taste. It was never fancy brands or flavours, just black Tea. We didn't drink from dainty teacups, I drank from a nice dark purple mug (not pretentious). This cup is long gone.

My grandfather also had a "half cup" which was able to take about 2 cups of tea. I often find myself mimicing his loud AHHH he used to let out after he would take in a large mouthful of tea.

So how do i have my tea? It's simple just allow the teabag to draw, remove bag then add sugar and milk. The one rule i have to say, NEVER EVER EVER leave the teabag in when u add the milk, this gives it a funny taste (tanins react with the fat in the milk).

All in all a cup of tea brings back fond memories of good times, connections with family members no longer around. The warmth of a great pot of tea for me has no comparison.

i have experimented with other teas such as darjeeling, green and earl Grey, even coffee both instant and proper coffee, but i always find myself coming back to uncomplicated, basic black tea properly brewed.

I am not wanting to take on coffee drinkers as i don't mind coffee but coffee to me was not the social ue in our family.

I hope you enjoy Tea too.

Do the stars make you feel Patriotic?

A few weeks ago i went to my sister in laws house, it is in a beautiful location looking out on flood plaind that are currently filled with water, it attracts a fantastic array of birdlife including pelicans, we were even visited by a swarm of green frgs than night as well.

The sun set off over the horizon which was an absolutely beautiful sight to see.

As the light went i could see starts begin to appear, it reminds me of the rhym about wishing upon the first start at night. The darkness set in and as there is less light pollution you can make out more stars than the standard constellations.

To the south is a very familiar constellation, namely the southern cross however unlike the flag, in the early night, the cross sits upside down with the two pointer stars (Alpha and Beta Centauri) point south. It's such a significant constellation as it gave navigators guidance.

As someone who has always been inetrested in science, as well as science fiction i have always been in awe at space and the size of it but it never occured to me stars light years away could be claimed by a nation. I was to find out i had forgotten something.

I pointed to the sky and said to my eldest, "there's the Southern Cross". From the background came a comment that made me cringe. It was from a friend that is a local girl and with a very different view of the world to myself. Her comment was something to the effect of "I'm very patrotic too".

I Bit my tongue because we have different views of the world. Firstly for me the southern cross is not the only constellation is not the only constellation i look for in the night sky, When i look up i usually look for Orion, it is such a dominant constellation and can be seen by pretty much everyone in the world.

This in a way is symbolism of my own feeling of my place in the world.

I'm Back

Hi there, I have to apologise for it being so long between blogs.

The end of the year and the start of this one has been mad.

Last year was a case of study study study as i have finally completed my Diploma in Massage (jumps for Joy). This was rather a lot of work (I honestly studied less for my Engineering Degree) but I got there and now have a peice of paper to prove it :) So I now am a qualified remedial massage therapist, Senior member of the Association of Massage Therapists (AMT) and i am waiting on some health funds to come through (woohoo).

Tied in with all this have a been a few events that have been rather significant.

• My wife went on a cruise in October and the whole group had an absolute ball until they came home and one of her friends lost her 18 year old son due to misadventure the very next morning (he decided to climb a power pole not far from where we live). That was all very traumatic for all concerned.
• As far as a previous blog my wife had lost her jewellery at a gym, quite a substantial amount and the gym was rather unsympathetic and unhelpful. It then took us $1300 to find out that we didn't have a legal case :(
• My Wife works for the state energy company which the state government was orignally going to sell off completely. The Unions were powerful and rolld the premier, the tradeoff was to sell off the retail side which has a weaker union, this was unopposed and the state government got a payout. The handover date is in march just before the next election. There is apparently a 5 year guarentee on their jobs but that doesn't say they will have the same work conditions. I know that the company that has bought them out has hours that only go to 6pm whereas they curently go to 8pm. It will be interesting to find out what will happen.
• On Christmas eve the pool pump decided to die which was not great timing (although we did manage to keep it blue for a month without the pump until the end of year came and went.
• We received a phone call on New years eve from our bank asking to verify a funds transfer...someone had hacked into our internet banking and transferred our mortgage payment out. The bank was great and we managed to sort everything out. We have had to add extra security to our internet banking including a security token. This got a bit scary. Ive antivirus already but I was advised of an anti spyware/anti phishing program and when i ran it, there were ablut 300 programs. The kids when they on the internet click on all sorts of things, i may have from time to time opened up an email or opened up a twitter link. It's hard to say where it came from. SO now i am more wary. i rund anti spyware pretty much every day.
• The oven died a couple of weeks ago, no it isn't old, it's one of those new fandangled wide ovens we put in when we renovated our kitchen almost 3 years ago. Thankfully before the 3 year warranty runs out in march (it has already been through an element). A switch shorted out the switchboard.
• The end of our street which has forever been a nightmare especially at school times. It was originally going to be a set of lights, then the state government decided to change that to a roundabout (expletives here) then it was changed back to a set of lights. Well works have started and it's a mess at the end of the street.
• Oh and i forgot my password and tried hard to remember what it was. I remembered only a few das ago :)

So with the return of school, i have a little more time to blog.

I'm not sure what the next year will hold :)

A Cautionary Tale

If I said to you how you identified yourself, what makes you “you” what would you say it was? For some it’s their dogs, cats, their signature jacket, their car, their job etc. These are all items that you identify as you, they are external items that you couldn’t be without. Probably an item that makes you feel like you belong to a group or perhaps stand out from the crowd.

My wife, worked hard to accumulate her jewellery, over the years after we achieved a level of financial security she gradually acquired items, putting them on weekly payments, once one item was finalised, she would run out and put another item on payments. She bought items to celebrate her 40th birthday and only just recently she bought a bangle to celebrate losing a significant amount of weight. She wore them with pride. She tended to them cleaning them regularly making sure they always looked pristine. She loved them. I remember every morning she had her routine as she put on her jewellery to go to work.

Picture from her 40th birthday march 2009

We had a little personal valuables insurance (I know I work for the insurance company) but not enough to cover it all if it all got stolen all at the one time. I talk insurance all day so I guess I failed to update it, check it, get it changed to include all the items. For this I am feeling a great amount of guilt at the moment.

Sadly on Monday on the way home from a difficult day at work, I was home for the night as I was rostered off, she decided to go straight to the local gym which her work pays for. Lisa always wears her jewellery to work so she decided to store her jewellery in a locker which is supplied by the gym which you set your own code and according to the instructions it is a 4 digit code.

Anyway she made sure it was locked before she left to do her workout.

When she came back she grabbed her stuff, she wanted to go home and have a shower so she didn’t check her jewellery as she didn’t want to put it on before having a shower. she can’t remember if it was locked when she returned, she put in her code before opening it, not checking to see if it was locked or unlocked before opening it.

When she grabbed her keys she noticed a compartment which she never opens was opened but at the time didn’t think anything of it.

She got home and had her shower and was getting ready to have an early night, she went to take her jewellery out and put it in her container on the dresser…not there. She freaked out, ran to the car which is the only other place it could have been. Purse gone too… Oh dear, major sinking feeling.

To Be Continued

My dubious claims to fame

This letter is inspired by Thea’s blog where she chronicles her dubious links to famous people.

I firstly should say I need to break these down into a few sections.

Family
I am related although have never met Jo Silvani (Bailey) (wife of Carlton legend) and I understand there is also a link somewhere to Kevin Rudd although that family link is not quite so salubrious after last week.

Twitter
Well you know how twitter goes, you start off wondering what out is all about, then before you know you are addicted to it. When you start you follow famous people, then as they reply to some people you follow them. I know @Carolduncan and @Aaronkearneyaus don’t see themselves as celebrities however they are well known and well respected in Newcastle, I have met both they are as you would expect, down to earth and friendly.

It’s funny twitter Is a community In itself, and I have met so many conversationalists and bloggers and authors.

Other twitter moments, I actually delisted many of the famous people as they tend to prattle on and some even put on their websites they don’t respond to tweets. I have had a couple of responses on twitter, on was Robert Llewellyn who played the android Kryten on Red Dwarf a British scifi comedy series.

Robert has an interview series of car pool which I follow, he even responded to 2 tweets many months ago, I made a suggestion of possible interview subjects. I was so excited to get a response.

I have also had non responses include when Martha Stewart made a comment about rubbish dumped on the roadside, I mention cleanup Australia and she tweeted back tat she had had responses about having suggestions about community run cleanup programs, I checked and mine was the only one who responded.

My last one was levar burton who played geordi in star trek the next gen (yes I know I’m a trekkie) posted a tweet, I was watching start trek first contact.I just asked him if he watched himself. He responded by saying that anyone watching first contact - the vulcans did it. Im sure he thought he was funny.

Sport
Well when it comes to sport, I have an admission, when I was young I just happened to join the Nunawading swimming club, I swam with many people over 7 years, some of those were spectacularly fast and yes very successful. Not wanting to name drop, because most would probably not remember me. People such as Rob Woodhouse, Rod Lawson (Olympians) as well as Leigh Nugent (now head coach of national team)

I have also made face book contact with other swimmers such as Adrian Radley and Brooke Hanson (I swan with her husband and his dad ran a lot of club events).

One thing that suprises me is as with the seven degrees of Kevin Bacon, i am only a few degrees of seperation from most sports celebrities,not that i can say they know me or have even met me.

Work
Working in a petrol I served the likes of Dennis Pagan (AFL Coach), Gianne Rooney (swimmer) Killing Heidi (Band) and last but not least Carl Williams and Benji Venjamin of Melbourne underworld infamy.

My Special Powers

Superman can leap tall buildings, wolverine can rejenerate quickly and I have a speial power myself. Perhaps I should join the x-men, I'm not sure how my spcialpower will help others.

You see from as early as i can remember whenever i hop in a car, it doesn't matter how new or old it is, the trip starts normally until the windscreen starts to fog up. I don't really notice it myself as i generally travel with the window down or the airconditioner on.

I remembred it as i was riding in my father in laws car the other door and he doesn't drive with the door down and never has the aircon on. I get a little embaassed when this happens as i have to explain to them that i steam up cars.

I used to laugh at it because you know there's the usual joke about fogging up cars, definitely nothing happening insde.

Perhaps i always seem to be warm, i never really feel the cold.

Do you have a speial power that needs to be declared?

The Power of Twitter

Would you call me a recent convert to Twitter. I have been tweeting since late 2009. I at first didn’t know what handle to use, I have had a couple of which over time I think I have settled on the_green_egg which is a reference to my daughters name she has given herself. I have written previously in a Blog Post.

I at first was curious about Twitter, it didn’t seem to have a purpose outside my Facebook, but over the time I have been able to network especially with other bloggers, and there always seems to be someone on twitter especially at the late hours I am on it.
Through twitter I have been able to connect with people I would never have been able to connect, as being a recent (5 years now) arrival to Newcastle I have few Novacastrian contacts, my social base I left in Melbourne when we moved here. In a way it is an unobtrusive way of connecting with others in the local community.

One handy use for Twitter I found was very early in the peace I connected by following my local council and they eventually followed me. By them doing this I was able to advise them of an illegal rubbish dump site. Being someone who doesn’t like calling in things, I just used Twitpic by uploading a photo of the offending dump site. I then tagged @lakemac with the location.

Lakemac then responded very promptly by thanking me and gave me a reference number. That was on the Monday I posted the photo and by Friday the mess had been cleaned up. Needless to say I was supremely impressed. Was it the fact that my council was responding so promptly to my notification, to the fact they are connected and “up with the times”.
And to be truthful if it wasn’t for twitter I probably wouldn’t have notified the council, probably I wouldn’t usually make a fuss about something like that. Plus I might think to myself, “Oh someone else will tell them” or perhaps someone else from the council would have already notified them.

It was a legacy from a recent council cleanup where the kerbsides fill up with rubbish.

How to Make a NSW Quilt

Take a NSW Road, probably not a Federal road, Definitely not on the way to work for a Minister or the Premier. Probably not a Sydney street, or in a marginal seat, but it’s a road used daily by locals and tourists alike.
And just past the entrance to the country club.
It rains
A hole is born
The hole is patched
Bump
It rains again
Another hole is born
This hole is patched
Bump
Bump
It rains again
Another hole is Born then patched
Bump
Bump
Bump
It Rains yet again, a hole is born then patched
Bump
Bump
Bump
Bump
Repeat for 5 years, just patched, never resurfaced
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
Bump Bump
No road left, just patch on patch on patch.
Speed limit reduced because of the state of the road.
Will it ever get fixed?
How bad does it have to get?
Does a serious accident need to occur to get something done to this road?
Too bad for your tyres or suspension,
Too bad state taxes increase to improve roads, where does the money go?
You know this road, it’s somewhere you’ve been, that’s’s if you travel through NSW
Inspired by driving near Halidays point and driving through hunter valley vineyards

One Sunny April Day Part 7

Continued from One sunny day part 6

Funerals, well I've been to too many.

Mum's was different, I find that in the past many celebrants and priests are distanced from their subject. Sometimes it feels like "insert name here". My aunty gelnda ran the sevice so she even teared up through the service for she had known mum since they were all young, they themselves had been through their own journey together, countless time my aunt had visited to see her, in someways as a bit of friendship, a bit or counselling as well as she was a practicing reiki master so she benefited from their visits in so many ways.

As far as funerals go mum's funeral was a real tribute to her effect on others though her nursing and geneology work. The place was packed out to the rafters and out the door, and I',m not talking a little place.

We had a laugh or too, there were many happy stories. I even managed to got up the courage to say a few words, i recited a story from a book that explained that like the lamplighter as he worked his way down the street in the dark, you couldn't see him any more but you could see where he had been, in a way mum was no longer around but you could see those people she had left a little light in their heart.

It was soon after the funeral, once i had picked up mums ashes i headed off north with my grandfather to Gladstone. The first purpose was to transport him to my aunts place as his eyesight was no longer safe for him to drive and then i was to head further nort to take mum to cairns where she had enjoyed a great time just after she found out she was ill.

So I headed north, not really knowing anything, or where to spread mums ashes. I made it to port douglas, it was nearing mum's birthday 23rd may. I arrived late so i just found a camping ground and set up camp.

In the morning i got up and was chatting to a group of backpackers (as you always seem to find). One of the local campers was a lady named betty, she was from melbourne too and spent her winters there, she told me she had cancer and was just living the best she could. She asked me if i'd seen the beach.. I said I hadn't so she said come and she grabbed me and we walked to see port douglas beach. You haven't seen a more beautiful beach, it sweeps into the distance, gorgeous. She thne asked me if i'd seen the Sheraton, I said no so she took me there but i think that's as far as i will go there. She did explain that people there pay hundreds of dollars to get to use the same beach i was using and it only cost from memory $20 for the site.

Anyhow I went as far north as the daintree and could not find a location that suited, it just didn't feel right, sure there are plenty of beaches, very nice ones, but not waht felt right.

I was desperate to find a suitable place, it was mums birthday and i wanted to do it then. Problme i woke up that morning and the weather had turned, the waves were choppy, dark grey clouds hung above. I packed up and headed south, as i was driving south i saw some beach signs.

I pulled into one but it didn't feel right, i pulled into another one and i really had a strange feeling about it. i got out of the car and walked over to the beach and, i know you think i'm crazy when i say this, I asked mum if it was the right place, Now I am serious when i say this the clouds broke slightly ans a stream of light came down over the sea. Now i'm not one to believe all this but it happenend. i have to say i was emotional at that moment. I lost it, i went back to the car and got mums ashes out and walked down to the beach.

I wanted to do it a bit further down as i didn't want everyone walking through her ashes. To my suprise I found a little creek flowing into the sea further up the beach.

As per mums instructions i spread mums ashes where the creek and the sea meet. It was an emotional event for me, I was alone, the rest of my family would do the same at Inverloch in Victoria. I kept some ashes for myself and gave some to grandma when i returned as she wanted to keep her Merry (middle name joy) as she always called her close by.

So it's 11 years and I just wanted to honour mum by explaining the story of the last week of mum's life. She touched everyone. I'm sure you own mum has touched others as well. i don't wish to turn her into a saint, that was not her. She was just someone who cared for others unconditionally. Not a day goes by when i don't think of her.

Thankyou for reading this story.

Chris

One Sunny April Day Part 6

Tuesday

As in part 1 the phone rang and we were awoken to hear mum had passed. It's strange the feeling, in a sense there was a tinge of sadness for the feeling of loss but followed by a sense of relief and dare i say happiness that she was no longer in pain.

The next thing was we drove to my grandmothers house and woke her up to the news. Mum wouldn't have let her be alone when she found out. Not that this was a suprise, we had all accepted the fact we would lose mum. She was given 12 months and we got 3 years. Mum had outlasted all expectations.

One thing that struck me was how beautiful the morning was, the air had that hint of chill that tickles you nose, the trees were beginning to change colour and the sun had just risen, it was going to be a nice sunny autumn day. Perhaps over the events of the last week i hadn't noticed the weather, in fact i don't think i had noticed much those past weeks,

We then as a family proceded to the hospital to see mum's body, it's a weird sensation. Mum's body was there but that was all.

I don't think i really wanted to be there. She was gone, i was numb.

When we got home, after that visit things were strange, my eldest sister decided to go through mums wardrobe.

Now it was time to plane mums funeral which my aunty glenda came over to help plan the funeral.

One Sunny April Day Part 5

Monday
Continued from Part 4

I arrived again as usual, said hello to the doorman john and headed to visit mum in her room.

Mum was deteriorating further, she was there but not there. Her breathing was more sporatic, deep. For pretty much most of the day she would breath deeply, then a pause. You though "ok i this it," then she's start again.

For everyone else in the room we wanted to give mum the chance to fade away peacefully, unfortunately there was a visitor on the final day who talked continuosly. This i believe didn't allow mum to just fade away. It must have been her way of dealing with mum passing, like always i try and keep the peace so i didn't say anything. Also I didn't want a fight in the room.

It was hard because you don't want to prolong the suffering but the visitor never left that night, talking away, mum still hanging on. She was fading, the pauses in her breathing growing long.

Another friend of the family(another aunty) who is also a celebrant came to help us with a few little ceremonies to let mum go (more for us than mum i think but it felt good). We did leave that night with the visitor still there. We said our final goodbyes and went home.

Contineud in Part 6

One Sunny April Day Part 5

Sunday

I arrived in the morning and mum had had a rough night. She had felt comfortable that night sleeping in her recliner in her room, but overnight she'd become more uncomfortable, her pain was growing. They had to get her in bed and as she was bed bound they had to put in a catheter.

Mum said to me to get the rest of the family, mum wanted to say goodbye to everyone. I got in the car and ran up to my grandmothers home, but she wasn't there, she was at church. I went to the neightbours house, another adopted aunty (Alice) and waited for her to return.

When Nana got home we called around and then made our way to the hospital, there were so many people there to see mum. It was a very pleasing sight to see all those close to mum gathering for a bedside get together. Not being a strongly religious I know mum had struggled with faith but i think she felt omfort in my nanas priest coming and he issued her last rights.

It was a very draining day, it had taken it's toll on her, as being a nurse she had seen many people pass away, and her experience was it was those moments when they were alone that htey drifted away. Mum had had her goodbyes and wanted to drift away, it was just us kids and dad in the room. She asked to be left alone for a while.

We filed out, saying our goodbye's on our way. I was the last to say goodbye, as i came closer i asked mum if she wanted me to removed her oxygen which she was hooked up to. She said yes. It was the next thing which i think effected me the most, she said to me, "what do I do now?" How is a son supposed to advise his mum to let go, I don't know. but i couldn't say that, mum was asking me what to do. When you are a kid, your parents are larger than life, immortal in a way. i think you assume they will be around forever. i was dealing with my own faith, i had no experience in advising the dying.

I think i said "we love you, let go and Your dad and grandmother will be ther waiting for you". You hear stories of people seeing family members at the end of their bed, hearing voices, all that. Mum didn't have that, perhaps she was expecting some of that. Unfortunately birth and death we do alone.

I left her and sat outside with the rest of the family for about 15 minutes. We then came back in and mum was much less alert, fading. I put her oxygen back in but then we decided to leave as it was going to take another day at least.

One Sunny April Day Part 4

Saturday


It had sunk in..mum was going to die, and soon. Rest assured she was not in pain, she was comfortable. Mum was slowly going downhill, not that she ever complained, she never once complained about her struggle. She was still eating and drinking although not lots.



I think i pretty much stayed with mum all day, being a nurse meant she had a steady flow of friends and coworkers.

I remember one conversation about where mum's ashes were going. Mum had a plot in the wall at Templestowe cemetary however from our experience there are usually more ashes then will fit. So mum said all she wanted was for her ashes to be spead somewhere peaceful, perhaps where a creek meets the sea.


I really had no idea, but it was my intention to go to queensland to see if i could get some work in my field of study.

Mum and i, i think had a special bond, it's hard to quantify, not sayng she loved any other of my siblings less, but there was something. perhaps it was the journey we had travelled of the past years through her treatment.

I know mum lived a few days more but it was this night i said goodbye to her. I think it was we were alone, we'd chatted all day. I had to say goodbye to go home and get some sleep. I kissed her and gave her a cuddle(it was one thing she always great cuddles). As I left her room i turned around. She was waving goodbye with a smile on her kind face. It is this image in my head that i remember.

I waved back, holding back the tears until i got into the lift where i lost it, thankfully i was alone. i went home and slept.

One Sunny April Day Part 3

Thursday

Mum had been in hospital since Monday, life was relatively normal, well as normal as things were with a mum who was in hospital. Mum had had her regular blood transfusions on the Monday but as it was Thursday it was her regular time for her topup for the weekend to get her through to the next Monday.

I arrived at the hospital for my regular visit, i visited her every day. we would just sit and chat, I would rub her feet(this is one of the reasons i would eventually get into massage). I found through many visits that most visitors sit at the end of the bed with little human touch. I was determined that I would hold her hand, touch her feet or from time to time sit on the bed.

We had been through so many ups and downs in this fight against cancer that what was to come next came as no suprise, mum had given such a good fight.

Mum had had enough...yes she decided to refuse further treatment in the way of blood transfusions. In a way it was a very empowering thing, there aren't many who can do this, to choose your own end. Mum must have toyed with the idea for a while but what happened on the Monday must have crystalised her thinking. When she broke the news she was resolute, I told her i supported what she was doing.

In a way we knew it was coming, it just finalised things, we knew it would take less than a week for the inevitable to happen. It wasn't an easy thing to go through i can tell you though. Saying goodbye to your mum for good is hard, but you can't be selfish and hang on when she was in such pain, her quality of life was still not dire.

We all must accept that death is a part of life. I have always been an advocate of choosing your own end if you are severely ill and there is no quality of life left.

I can't remember if it was a family meeting, i can't remember who was in the room when mum told me. Mum was calm, probably with a bit of a relief on her face but also a bit of concern about how her decision would effect us all. It is a sort of no turning back, a point of no return.

I do remember mum speaking to the doctor and signing the DNR (Do not resuscitate order). The doctor had to sit down and explain what that meant even though with she knew full well what it meant.

I can't remember what i did that night when i got home. The events do tend to blur with it being almost 11 years ago.

One Sunny April Day Part 2

Monday

The phone rang, it was my friend who had called for me. In most circumstances mum would have called for me as the phone was set up in her room. This time though she got disorientated and got up out of bed and came into the kitchen where i was with my grandmother who had come to visit for the day.

I was suprised as this was the first time mum had seriously got out of bed in months, she had been bed bound for quite a while. Little did I know that this was the straw that broke the camels back. I followed mum back to bed and made sure she got back safe.

The phone call was something trivial as most things are in th ewhole scheme of things. I was looking forward to a visit out to see Craig cahrles at the Melbourne comedy festival. I was also my dad's birthday so the day was already set to be a busyt one.

Problem was mum had overexerted herself and she started to shake uncontrollably so we called her GP who luckioly did house visits.

It was mum's GP's advice that she should go into hospital and that she was too frail so it was best to be transported by ambulance into the hospital...for someone as strong and proud as mum it was rather humiliating to be carted out infront of all the neighbours and loaded up into the ambulance.

In hospital mum would receive her regular blood transfusions to sustain her.

That night was a bit of a fizzer as far as celebrting dad's birthday, I went and saw Craig Charles which was great fun but my mind was on mum prety much all the time.

To be Continued

One Sunny April Day Part 1

The end came one peaceful April Morning, it was the 27th day in 1999..I remeber the phone call waking me up at about 5am.

It's Ok, we were expecting the call, I often thank that there was such a lead up, time to say our goodbyes, say everything we might have to say...well I have to say there has much happened in my life since then that i would have given everything to get my mums advice or her ear.

Truth is i miss her Dearly and pretty much not a day passes that i don't think about her.

Mum was born Marilyn Joy Coffin in Coburg, a suburb north of melbourne, daughter to Milton and June and younger sister to Margaret. When she left school she became a trainee nurse at Box Hill hospital. It was a chance encounter that she met my dad, John Mapstone who was visiting my uncle (adopted) Bill Snoek who had had a severe motorbike accident.

My understanding is things moved quickly and before you know it they were married and moved in to a reasonably new outer eastern suburb call ed Bayswater (nowhere near the bay or water, only the Dandenong creek). They had three children with me the middle child so i have the complex.

Many years ensued, mum worked night shift, dad worked days but we coped and got to see both parents. As we got older and better able to look after ourselves mum studied and later became a midwife, one thing she was very proud of. For what i understand she was a good at her job and loved it with a passion.



She was 41 when she found a lump in her right breast, she had a mammogram but nothing came conclusive. Mum persevered and they found a malignant lump through biopsy. Mum did'nt want it known so she went to a different hospital to have her breast removed and then she had treatment(she had accrued 6 months of sick leave). I really don't remember much of her symptoms then apart from the obvious hair loss, i ws in the grips of my VCE.

We almost made it to 5 years, mum was not well, just a bit unwell when she was turning a bed down at work when she collpased. This time it was serious, the cancer had spread to her bone marrow especially inher lower spine....innoperable and terminal. I remeber the day mum sat us down and told us. I have never felt so numb, I mean life is finite, but when the doctors say you have 12 months and that's it.

The drugs used to treat mums cancer meant one major thing, to stop the bone marrow working her body stopped making blood so twice a week we went into the hospital for blood transfusions. Most weeks it was 7 units to keep her alive. She frequently got ill because her immune system was vulnerable. And whenever she ended up in hospital she would catch something else to keep her there longer.

New and improved drugs meant mum's live was extended, she overtook her 12 month deadline and she even managed to get 12 months of success. Her symptoms even diminished and it almost seems like she was back in remission.

I was with her that day though when her oncologist broke the news that the fanstastic drug that had extended her life was no longer working. It was another hard day on the cancer emotional rollercoaster.

Another hard day was when i came in to her in the morning and she was in the foetal position, in excruiating pain, the tumor was pressing on her spine, sending pain throughout her body. I have never felt so completely helpless (only except for whne seeing my wife going through labour I suppose). I managed to get her to the hospital where i got her straight into the oncology ward (as a patient you do have some privelages) but then waiting for the registrar to come up and prescribe what the nuses knew what she needed..morphine. You see until this point mum had only goine as strong as panadeine forte. She would only ever take panadol for most things.

Anyway from that incident she started taking a small dose of morphine in a solution but it wasn't very powerful, but it worked.

Over the full term of mums treatment she undertook 7 treatments, some proper treatments, some were trials. She saw the benefit to the medical community of taking part in trials. Her last one was however one of the worst. She had to taked a number of horse pills and one side effect was they made her hands and feet rd raw. When this happened she made the decision to end the trial.

To Be Continued

One of THOSE Mornings

Well I had one of those mornings today.

I knew it was April Fools day this morning as I knew I got suced into Aaron kearneys renaming of Maitland to Mate Land, I made the effort to be up early and alert in time for his April Fools Joke.

I just laughed when he started talking about fencing off the beaches and puting in trunstyles. i thought, "yes I'm not getting sucked in to this one."

I thought I was clever, and all would be good for me today. Hey we even prepurchased an easter bonnet to avoid having to make one (last year we made one and other kids stole the easter eggs mounted on it so we decided not to do that again)

Like with a strong Headwind, the harder you try to force your way, the more resistence you get, especially when you have kids. I'm sure most parents can relate.

My Plan for the morning

• Get kids breakfast, dressed and ready for school
• Write up the lunch order
• Drive the eldest to school
• come home
• wash and hang out kids clothes
• Iron about 2 loads of ironing

WELL, things never seem to go as planned do they???

• Firstly i only realised until 5 minutes before that i had forgotten that i prmoised to pick up my daughters classmates and take them to school.
• So i rushed because it was about 15 minutes before we usually leave.
• I grabbed the camera as i wanted to take a photo of some rubbish dumped so i could post to Lake Mac Council but the batteries were flat, scrounged around for some batteries and it seemed they were fine and charged.
• Picked up my daughters classmates then got them to school YES, Right? NAH as we forgot to pack the lunch order D'OH
• SO left my daughter to go to class, and rushed off back home
• When i returned i took the green egg into the school to take the lunch order to canteen
• When i got to the canteen i realised they have emptied all their recess stock for the easter break so she wouldn't have anything for recess.
• So I regettably had to go to the shops, you know the day before a public holiday..really bad decision, the carpark is absolutely packed so i went right down the back and walked to Coles which is the quieter of the two supermarkets. I might add every time the green egg and i got anywhere she must take a green pillow with her, and she has to help push the trolley so it's never an easy task going anywhere with her.
• When we got in there i just wanted to get 2 things, Chicken Jumpies (a recess favourite on lunch order days) and some muffin bars. The green egg proceeded to put other things in the trolley because she wanted them, like apples, chips etc.
• Problem was the chicken jumpies weren't there!! and that was my reason for being there. So I emptied the trolley much to the green eggs disgust and yes a tantrum ensued. So i put her in the trolley even more to her disgust. If your kids having a tantrum at least you can take it with you when it's a portable tantrum. You get the looks regardless from those without kids.
• Dread of dreads i had to wheel the tantrum along a footpath, up a ramp and up the other end of the shopping centre to Woolies, which she did eventually calm down, we even got out of the trolley.
• Then she thought she saw her Nan which i couldn't see. She wanted to go home with her. BUT she wasn't there. So we returned back to the tantrum again
• So here i am walking through woolies, aisles packed, people seem to go extra slow, they block your way which is really hard with a kid screaming for her Nan, wanting to go with her.
• Somehow I managed to spend $30, and yes i did buy the Chicken Jumpies. The green egg did calm down eventually.
• I then had to Manoevre the trolley back because i had parked farthest from Woolies, loaded up the car and drove home to get the lunch box and freezer block.
• FINALLY i got to school, Green egg in tow and delivered my eldests' recess food
• On the way back I stopped to take a photo of the rubbish dumped so i could notify Lake Mac council but the other batteries I put in were flat as well. Hmmmm

Now i am at home and wondering if I can get away with not doing any work at all, the batteries are charging so will probably take a trip soon.