One Sunny April Day Part 3

Thursday

Mum had been in hospital since Monday, life was relatively normal, well as normal as things were with a mum who was in hospital. Mum had had her regular blood transfusions on the Monday but as it was Thursday it was her regular time for her topup for the weekend to get her through to the next Monday.

I arrived at the hospital for my regular visit, i visited her every day. we would just sit and chat, I would rub her feet(this is one of the reasons i would eventually get into massage). I found through many visits that most visitors sit at the end of the bed with little human touch. I was determined that I would hold her hand, touch her feet or from time to time sit on the bed.

We had been through so many ups and downs in this fight against cancer that what was to come next came as no suprise, mum had given such a good fight.

Mum had had enough...yes she decided to refuse further treatment in the way of blood transfusions. In a way it was a very empowering thing, there aren't many who can do this, to choose your own end. Mum must have toyed with the idea for a while but what happened on the Monday must have crystalised her thinking. When she broke the news she was resolute, I told her i supported what she was doing.

In a way we knew it was coming, it just finalised things, we knew it would take less than a week for the inevitable to happen. It wasn't an easy thing to go through i can tell you though. Saying goodbye to your mum for good is hard, but you can't be selfish and hang on when she was in such pain, her quality of life was still not dire.

We all must accept that death is a part of life. I have always been an advocate of choosing your own end if you are severely ill and there is no quality of life left.

I can't remember if it was a family meeting, i can't remember who was in the room when mum told me. Mum was calm, probably with a bit of a relief on her face but also a bit of concern about how her decision would effect us all. It is a sort of no turning back, a point of no return.

I do remember mum speaking to the doctor and signing the DNR (Do not resuscitate order). The doctor had to sit down and explain what that meant even though with she knew full well what it meant.

I can't remember what i did that night when i got home. The events do tend to blur with it being almost 11 years ago.