Thursday, April 8, 2010

One Sunny April Day Part 5


I arrived in the morning and mum had had a rough night. She had felt comfortable that night sleeping in her recliner in her room, but overnight she'd become more uncomfortable, her pain was growing. They had to get her in bed and as she was bed bound they had to put in a catheter.

Mum said to me to get the rest of the family, mum wanted to say goodbye to everyone. I got in the car and ran up to my grandmothers home, but she wasn't there, she was at church. I went to the neightbours house, another adopted aunty (Alice) and waited for her to return.

When Nana got home we called around and then made our way to the hospital, there were so many people there to see mum. It was a very pleasing sight to see all those close to mum gathering for a bedside get together. Not being a strongly religious I know mum had struggled with faith but i think she felt omfort in my nanas priest coming and he issued her last rights.

It was a very draining day, it had taken it's toll on her, as being a nurse she had seen many people pass away, and her experience was it was those moments when they were alone that htey drifted away. Mum had had her goodbyes and wanted to drift away, it was just us kids and dad in the room. She asked to be left alone for a while.

We filed out, saying our goodbye's on our way. I was the last to say goodbye, as i came closer i asked mum if she wanted me to removed her oxygen which she was hooked up to. She said yes. It was the next thing which i think effected me the most, she said to me, "what do I do now?" How is a son supposed to advise his mum to let go, I don't know. but i couldn't say that, mum was asking me what to do. When you are a kid, your parents are larger than life, immortal in a way. i think you assume they will be around forever. i was dealing with my own faith, i had no experience in advising the dying.

I think i said "we love you, let go and Your dad and grandmother will be ther waiting for you". You hear stories of people seeing family members at the end of their bed, hearing voices, all that. Mum didn't have that, perhaps she was expecting some of that. Unfortunately birth and death we do alone.

I left her and sat outside with the rest of the family for about 15 minutes. We then came back in and mum was much less alert, fading. I put her oxygen back in but then we decided to leave as it was going to take another day at least.

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